Something happened over the weekend. And I just want to let it all out so that I wont have to look back and said to myself "Eh, did I..?" Maybe its the excessive youtube videos, or just scrolling over my tumblr and instagram that I have been immersing myself over this past couple of days. I dont know. I really dont know (sobs)
What I am certain is that I (strongly) think that I am going through a soul finding path right now. Yes. Soul finding. It is that deep.
I even told my mum that if engineering does not work for me, maybe Ill be a youtuber. Its that intense.
I think it all started when I religiously watch (almost) all of Tyler Oakley's videos.
Now, how should I describe Tyler...? He is the most jolly person on youtube Ive ever seen so far. He is just the most incredible. I love the way he say his "s", his style, his glasses, the things he talks about on his channel, the things he do with other youtubers and of course his obsess with 1 Direction. Did I mention his apartment is THE MOST AMAZING APARTMENT I HAVE LAID MY EYES ON?
WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS?
I realized that as I am watching his videos, I want to be just like him - talk about things that I love the most and share it with people across the globe, meeting other people that shares the same passion as I do and do crazy fun things together, travel, making people laugh... Isnt life great?
And at the end of his videos, he would always say "Have a great life.". Now isnt that just the sweetest? :D The fact that he can touch thousands of hearts from the comforts of his apartment is just amazing. *sigh*
I may be delusional. I think I am delusional. Call me crazy, but I have already recorded my demo podcast a couple of days ago, but of course decided that it was too shitty for my own good *cries*
You know what... This whole youtube thing may be just a phase. As I wrote on earlier, I strongly think that I may be going through a soul-finding journey right now. I am twenty... I am bloody single.. I have so much free time in my hands right now that I.... I now have actual time to think shit through! Wow...
(This is me contemplating with myself. I dont know why I love doing this to myself T__T)
What I know is that this whole video/podcast thing is something that I really want to explore one day, definitely. I just need a camera and a tripod and a mic and an audience. Maybe do a little bit of traveling and share stuffs with people. That would be awesome kan? But I dont think I want my audience to be from Malaysia. hahaha. because Malaysia is like the hub for haters. Malaysia, you breed haters you know that??! Ini tak boleh itu tak boleh. And I think I can digest Western Pop Culture more easily.
Which brings me to another crucial thing that is bugging me this fine night: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD AISHA?
If I can be cocky for a moment here, I would like to describe myself as a bubbly little (now fat) girl, with a happy-go-lucky attitude, friendly and shy at the same time, caring, crazy little duck. Yep. That is the old Aisha. But now... as I look back at what happen to me this past few years, God Lord I am so dull. Maybe engineering made me this way.
No one can help me in that department. Oh boy.